Hereās my take on part of whatās wrong with the world today: kindness seems to be in short supply. Kindness towards others, sure. But also, kindness toward yourself. Self-compassion is what you most need to heal yourself. Compassion for others is whatāll help heal the world.
When youāre showing unkindness, for whatever reason, here are some things that youāre also doing that you may not even be aware of:
1. Unkindness reveals who you are by uncovering your core
Lashing out at others shows your character, who you really are deep down inside. It shows you likely have one or more of the following: anger issues, a lack of self-control/self-confidence/self-esteem, a superiority complex, an inability to manage your own stress/anxiety/emotions, and on the negative list goes.
Maya Angelou once said: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
With that in mind, the next time you want to be unkind, ask yourself: would you really want to hang around someone like you or would you ditch them the first chance you got?
2. Showing how you likely treat yourself
If youāre unkind to others, youāre likely to be unkind to yourself. And when you beat yourself up, shame yourself, judge yourself, call yourself names, etc., it shows you donāt like yourself much. And if you donāt like yourself, you will never come to trust yourself. And if you donāt trust yourself, well, youāre going to find it very hard to achieve the success that you want.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: Self-trust is the first secret of success.
Pondering that, the next time you want to be unkind, ask yourself: do you want to have a life that feels successful to you or one in which you just get by?
3. Unkindness reveals who you are by displaying that you expect others to be responsible for your current emotional state
The only person responsible for your life and how it turns out is you. Whatever situation you find yourself currently in, you got there because of your own choices. You might try to argue that point, but the fact is this: you always have choices. Maybe no great choices. Maybe choices that make you sick to your stomach at the thought of them. But there are always choices.
Itās nobody elseās fault that you find yourself in the spot youāre in, I say kindly. Itās also nobody elseās job to manage your emotions for you. Do yourself (and others!) a favor: deal with your emotional baggage and let it go instead of dumping it onto someone else.
Toni Morrison once said: If you wanna fly, you got to give up the sh*t that weighs you down.
Considering that, the next time you want to be unkind, ask yourself: do you want to soar in your own life or stay stuck to the spot where you are now?
4. Disclosing that you have very little respect for others and also little respect for yourself
When you donāt respect others, you donāt pay any attention to their boundaries. You treat them as less than. You donāt honor their individuality. You donāt acknowledge their worth and value. And because you see them as somehow beneath you, you believe you have the right to be unkind to them.
When you donāt respect yourself, youāre doing the same kind of things to yourself. You donāt defend your own boundaries or, even worse, you donāt have any boundaries at all. You donāt honor your own gifts and talents. You see yourself as lacking and not enough. A lack of self-respect leads to allowing all kinds of terrible behaviors, both from others and also from yourself.
Some wise person once said: You donāt get respect, you earn it.
With that in mind, the next time you want to be unkind, ask yourself: do you want to earn your own respect or not?
5. Unkindness reveals who you are by revealing the smallness of your life
A lot of times, people are unkind because itās a distraction. For some people, anything is easier than looking at the state of their own life: how they donāt have what they most want or are not the person they most want to be. Being unkind is easier than coming up with a plan or taking action. Itās easier than making a change. Itās easier than facing an uncertain outcome. Itās easier than taking responsibility for how things turn out in the end.
Creating drama with unkindness can keep you in a perpetual circle and safe within in the confines of your comfort zone. You can keep doing what youāre doingābeing unkind to yourself and othersāand never have to risk taking yourself in another direction, especially if that direction scares you.
Some wise person once said: You can’t do big things if you’re distracted by small things.
Pondering that, the next time you want to be unkind, ask yourself: do you want to live your life going in circles or would you rather go in a straight line to what you most want to have/be/do/say?
What is being unkind revealing about you?